Sample Writing, Analysis and Lesson 1

by Robert, age 6

Summary of Teacher’s Analysis
Robert is an avid writer who views writing as a tool for expressing and understanding significant events in his life.  His writing includes key information (what, where, and how he injured his leg) and is enhanced by his effective use of strong verbs (“gushed” and “slipped”).  If Robert were to develop this short piece into a longer narrative, he might need help conveying the passage of time through his writing (e.g., he didn’t walk on the wall and immediately get five stitches).

Lesson Topic	​Using Powerful Language
Materials	•     An enlarged copy of Robert’s writing •    Student writing folders
Connection ​Set the tone.  Link the new teaching to ongoing work and NAME THE TEACHING POINT.  “Today I want to teach you…”	I just cannot get over all of the fantastic things that are happening with the writers in this classroom!  As I move around during independent writing time, I’m seeing writers looking through their folders to find writing to go back to, choosing new paper from the writing center, using their personal word walls to check spelling, looking through books to learn from published authors…   Do you remember in Readers’ Workshop, when we talked about visualizing?  We discussed how readers make pictures in their heads in order to really understand what they are reading, so that they can get lost in their book. Well, writers need to WRITE in a way so that their readers are able to make those sensory images.   Today I want to teach you that writers need to use powerful, strong language when they are writing so that their readers can lose themselves in their writing.
Explicit Instruction Show them exactly how to do what is being taught.	Let me show you what I mean. Robert said we could take a look at his writing, the piece he wrote that was about the time he fell and hurt his leg. He used some pretty powerful words: words that really helped me create a strong visual image as I read it. Let’s take a look at it together.   Model by reading aloud, noting powerful language (“gushed” and “slipped”) and then thinking aloud about the visual images that you are creating.   Wow!  Robert used some pretty strong words!  I was really able to picture what happened to him. I can see him slipping, his heel sliding off the wall, his body following afterward. And then the blood gushing! It wasn’t just a slow trickle. There must have been a TON of blood.
Guided Practice Ask them to try out what has been taught, either independently or collaboratively.  Coach into the work.	You all have your writing folders in front of you. What I’d like you to do now is open it up and take out one of the pieces from your Red Light side. Read over it and see if there is a place where you could replace a word or two with a stronger word. Turn and talk to your partner about this.   Listen in as students try this work, voicing over examples of students who are trying and using the strategy successfully. Point out strong language, as well as the weaker words that are being replaced.
Send-Off Transition students from the lesson to independent work.	So now you all have another strategy to add to your giant backpack full of writing tools! Remember, you want your readers to get lost in YOUR writing, the same way you get lost in the books that you read. You need to include powerful language to help them do that!